


i'd never say a word

by ursus_mari



Series: morgwen playlist [4]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Pining, Pre-Canon, Relationship Study, Requited Unrequited Love, but also kind of character study?, i guess?, i have no idea how to tag this y'all, kind of, they're in love they pine all that loveliness there is no resolution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:23:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27083350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ursus_mari/pseuds/ursus_mari
Summary: Gwen falls in love with a girl who reaches for the stars, and though she painstakingly puts her back together after she falls, she feels insignificant and small compared to the sky.Morgana falls in love with a girl that keeps her eyes toward the ground, and though she wishes to take care of her in turn, she cannot breach her walls enough to do so.
Relationships: Gwen/Morgana (Merlin)
Series: morgwen playlist [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950574
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	1. Gwen

**Author's Note:**

> for turtlegirl521 on tumblr who gave me the song She by Dodie!
> 
> title is, obviously, from the aforementioned song.
> 
> i hope to have captured the spirit of the song in this

Gwen falls in love gradually, stupidly, over a period of years.

Morgana is brash and kind and sharp and heartbreakingly brave and Gwen wants to gather her into her arms and never let go.

It starts with glances that linger a bit too long, admiring Morgana in her silks and fancy dresses but also in the trousers she wears to do things Uther disapproves of and when she’s covered in dirt from her latest act of rebellion. Morgana has this smile, a smirk but not really, when she’s pleased and she seems to glow. And sometimes she gives Gwen these looks, soft and adoring like Gwen’s something precious rather than her servant, and Gwen aches.

Gwen can’t stop staring for the life of her, and she knows there’s something wrong, lines of propriety and class blurred and crossed, but she can’t remember what it is when Morgana looks like that. Who wouldn’t stare?

Morgana herself doesn’t help, treating Gwen as an equal rather than her handmaid, and it is so, so hard to remember her place when Morgana gives her conspiratory looks or confides in her or asks about her father, and how could she possibly deal with that?

But for all their breaking of the unspoken (and spoken) rules around the relationship between a noble and a servant, Gwen knows how she feels is a step too far. So she tucks her feelings away, burning hot in her chest, and makes her peace with having as much as she does.

Gwen takes care of Morgana as best she can, stays to wake her from her nightmares and brings her flowers and helps her sneak out of the castle when she’s had an explosive row with Uther. She helps her take off that cold, cutting armor she wears and then helps her put it back on when the time comes.

It’s enough, she thinks, as she watches Morgana from her quiet, unobtrusive place as a servant and tries her best to believe it. Morgana is so far beyond her reach, is the thing. Gwen helps Morgana put herself back together when she falls but then she’s right back at it with her sights set on the sky. Gwen feels insignificant in the face of that, invisible.

Still, _still_ , it’s worth it, every second. Burning from the inside out is so worth it for every time Morgana gifts Gwen with one of those rare genuine, blinding smiles.


	2. Morgana

Morgana is in love. Deeply, truly, irrevocably.

It starts with a girl, a girl who knows how to disappear but should never have to, because she is _lovely_. Gwen is kind and careful and wise, when Morgana can get her to share what goes on in her head.

Gwen brings her flowers after bad nights and holds her as she wakes up screaming and puts her back together when she shatters with steady, careful hands.

Morgana wants to take care of her, but she can’t quite figure out how to. Morgana wants to know Gwen as well and intimately as Gwen knows her and soothe her fears and give her what she needs without her ever having to ask. She wants so, so much, wants so much it hurts.

Gwen doesn’t allow that, though. She answers Morgana’s questions with short, cursory answers and an absent smile, never revealing what hurts or bothers her so Morgana can banish it far, far away. She deflects any of Morgana’s attempts to do things for her, kindly, always kind, but firmly as well. 

There’s a mistake people often make when they look at Gwen: they think her soft and miss the steel she hides at her core. If Morgana wears armor of cutting words and scorn and defiance to cover the softness underneath, Gwen masks her strength with the appearance of a shy, soft, kind servant. And like Morgana, she is the thing she wears on the outside, but she is more as well.

Morgana wants to know that core. She sees flashes, glimpses, and she’s grateful for that, but she wishes Gwen would stop being so proper and composed and let Morgana in. Morgana wants to know all that the strength and the pain that must have caused it and she wants to let Gwen know that while she loves her for her strength, she can let those guards down sometimes too. It’s a gift Gwen gave to Morgana, but Morgana doesn’t know how to give it to her in turn, especially when Gwen doesn’t seem to want it.

And Gwen doesn’t want it, is the crux of the matter. So Morgana lets it lie as best she can. She treasures what Gwen gives her and is so deeply grateful for what Gwen does for her and she will take what she can get.

Morgana has Gwen with her, in all her softness and her strength, and that is more than enough.

Morgana is deeply, truly, irrevocably in love with a girl lovely both inside and out, and it destroys her just as much as it builds her back up.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Come and scream at me about morgwen on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/ursus-mari) @ursus-mari, and I also take prompts there!


End file.
